JHS Pedals' Spoof Bat-Sim Pedal kind of deserves to be Real!

So - points deducted for JHS delivering this a day early - so not strictly speaking a legal tender April 1st Spoof - but certainly an Oscar-worthy presentation.

I looked upon this as being not dissimilar to say the Gen Loss as a concept - where you are degrading and accentuating a pedal’s output signal via tweaking the nature of its current supply. It seems feasible to me that each battery would have a specific current release profile - in terms of how it delivers its output - where Capacity here is Discharge Rate. So you can scientifically imagine how the current might change and fluctuate depending on a battery’s age and chemical makeup and other aspects of its manufacture - Cadmium / Zinc / Magnesium / Lithium etc.

Making enough replicas to send out to a few trusted friends and allies was a smart touch - as well as the incredible next level detail that went into the presentation. Justifying each category of Battery, and picking out a preferred choice within that category - I will borrow some of the text from the JHS site for this part :

1 : RADIOSHACK - This vintage 1970s American battery was manufactured exclusively for RadioShack. You will notice a boosted mid frequency and a smoother taper of distortion in most distortion devices

2 : THAI DURACELL - The classic 9V battery that debuted in 1965 and became the first battery on the moon as part of the Apollo 11 mission. This particular mode simulates Josh’s favorite Thailand-manufactured Duracell

3 : JHS MODE - This mode is a reproduction of a “mystery battery” used by John Mayer that Josh found inside of a Dumble preamp. We took this a step further, even simulating the reactive voltage swing that occurred from John’s playing into the pedal, thus affecting the battery’s energy dissipation in reaction with the guitar’s input voltage swing

4 : KODAK - This specialty camera battery has a special longevity and slow energy dissipation, originally being used to power the Kodak Instamatic cameras in the mid-1960s

5 : BOSS - A unique battery produced for BOSS Pedals featuring an exceptionally musical low-end roll off

6 : ELECTRO-HARMONIX - This mode represents the best of pedal-manufacturer labeled batteries from brands like Danelectro, TC Electronic and Electro-Harmonix. The EHX vintage black label is our choice pick

7 : ROLAND - Taiwan-based batteries manufactured from the early to mid-1990s. Originally created to power drum machines and large electronic devices, this is a slow-draining, powerful battery that can add punch and clarity to pedals that need just “a bit more”

8 : USA - The run-of-the-mill 9V batteries available at American chain stores like CVS Pharmacy, Dollar General, Best Buy, Winn Dixie and Ace Hardware. Our pick is the Ace Hardware battery for its amazing clarity

9 : JAPAN (9V) - Japanese manufactured batteries from brands like Panasonic and Mitsubishi, created with slightly different specifications due to Japanese import/export regulations and laws

10 : USB - A Chinese battery which was created to be recharged via a USB port built into the battery, resulting in an internally constricted structure that limits the battery’s capacity and performance. This results in a uniquely lo-fi tone

The detail here is so elaborate - and the bit on the Lighter Orange Boss Battery was kind of a masterstroke. Most Spoofs don’t have enough about them to maintain longterm suspension of disbelieve! While generally and scientifically speaking this Spoof concept actually holds water mostly.

I worked with Champion Spark Plug back in my Advertising Agency days - and each of those spark plugs is a unique electrical device that regulates and smooths out a particular engine’s core running. You would be amazed to see what impact a properly specified spark plug has on an engine’s running and efficiency - back before everything was microprocessor controlled.

So it’s not too hard to conceive that yes batteries would have some variances in output profile - which may in some tiny manner impact those devices which they are powering. You would need to sample a lot of batteries of the same type to get an accurate output profile - as to then how much impact that really has on the signal - we obviously need the lab studies to back all that up.

I do feel that somewhere in all of this there really is a cool pedal idea - based on highly granular control over a current supply profile.

Everything about this seemed to underline that this was a solid concept - while the timing was a significant identifier as to its genuine nature. We’re going to see more and more elaborate April 1st Spoofs appearing earlier and earlier in the calendar no doubt.

Considering how much sampling, modelling and programming would be required for a pedal of this nature - then the $99 price tag is another indicator that this couldn’t be real - certainly not at that price.

I still happen to think this concept has legs - and if JHS decide not to pursue this idea - then someone else should certainly take up the challenge. 

Having an accurate granular Battery simulator would be a nice addition - particularly for vintage fuzzes - part of me is kind of sad that this doesn’t exist!

Kudos to everyone involved - that effort was just supreme - I’m not sure we’ll ever see as believable a spoof as this again!

What say you - would you buy one if it ever became a reality?